April 2019 WNC Dialogue: Words We Use & Words That Use Us

Dialogue Description:

Language is a form of power. It can create inclusion and exclusion, shared understandings and alienating activist insularity, dehumanize and (re)humanize, be used to “other” people and used as part of self-determination and self-naming. Language, whether drawing on common terms to mobilize people, subverting and reappropriating words and labels, or creating new words to name new meanings, identities and realities, is always an integral force of social change efforts. In this dialogue we will marinate in the power, liberating potentials and dangers of words we use and words that use us. What do new terms help make possible? What language are people and movements creating? What issues or discomfort arise? How do we strive to keep social justice terms alive in their meanings to connect and uplift and reframe, and work against them becoming empty or alienating jargon?

Join us in dialogue as we explore these questions for ourselves individually and collectively. Some prompts for thought:

Dialogue Notes:

These are rough, uncut, unfiltered, and anonymous notes taken at the dialogue. We get that these may not be very readable to those who were not in attendance at the dialogue, and, honestly, sometimes even to those of us who were. We still feel it is important to keep them available as part of our accountability process and for archiving and reference purposes. Some of these notes have been digested/transformed into blogs.

Check-in: what’s on your mind in relation to this topic?

Raising my daughter wanted her to not be in such a man-centric language world
Angry about ways that language has been used to prop up white supremacy and patriarchy
Difference between “ex-pats” and “illegal immigrants”
Move from slave to enslaved, from identity to condition
Friends in older generation can be uncomfortable about gender pronouns, and not want to look at system we are in and how language helps maintain it
Trying to use more accurate language
As a journalist, think a lot about language – always things i haven’t thought of, helps me think more critically about things brought to my attention
Notice my instinct to say, “oh that term is not so important” when it’s uncomfortable to me and not something i’ve fully bought into
Tough to stand up to ridicule sentiment and pushing on it – feels small and big at the same time, when feels small, “is it worth it?”
We are indoctrinated in so many ways, to believe on language is superior to another
How common distraction is, how distracting language upholds status quo
Realizing so much of my early education was such a narrow perspective
Love pop culture, ways that more radical ideas of dismantling white supremacy make it into pop culture – what gets caught by the wind and transmitted more widely?
Ways it shapes narratives
Reliance on activist terms to do the heavy-lifting and do the magic, or act as code
What to say when someone says “I won’t use that term, it’s bad grammar” – can be a cop out
Not everyone always understands the violence in the language they are using, loaded, “illegal” “migrant” – if not using the term people have chosen for themselves, then not respecting/recognizing their full humanity
Sexual harassment training at work – trainer shared if someone persists in misgendering someone, that is sexual harassment, can be litigated
Hurts me every time hear constant misgendering – invalidating the person
Even when our mind is having a tough time grasping it, refusal to learn – since we learn what matters to us
Come from point of insecurity, worried how people perceive me
Terms don’t necessarily permeate into behavior – concerned about how safety is signaled to marginalized people, using language, and can be hollow
As a white person, been told that my attitude & intention are the most important
How can people let me know i’m not embodying the language
Engaging with white man who said “people are being racist towards me”, reframe as bias
I want to share something that means something to you, to me, to our community – not just about correcting you and being right
Can espace into mind instead of acknowledging discomfort
Adjust from calling out to calling in – with other white people
If they are insistent on their separate way, i take space
Part of pop culture & media, if you use the phrase, then don’t have to do the work
Example of #BLM: what support in the economy, police state, etc.
Complicated layer of how we come at conversations engaging with more privileged and marginalized identity
So much language comes from colonialism and militarism
Skin a cat, ducks in row, birds with stone
Term “mumbo jumbo”
Indian headdress
Taking away the terms – worried about taking away the thinking, understanding, sense of history
Not about checklist of do & don’t
“Spade a spade”
When first learned about cultural appropriation, thought of myself as neutral, saw cultural objects as patterns and what it means to me – whole set of feelings and ideas that i get to have when i see those patterns, see those things – with no context – next step is to learn about context, how objects were removed from communities & cultures
Indigenous woman telling people if you are anti-vax, stay away, these are the diseases that decimated my people – historic context
Being honest with myself about the feeling i want to have – and being cut off from own heritage, and the meaning – why is meaning so cut off from context
How does calling in manifest?
- When talking with cis hetero men, giving space to hear and grow – recent time talking about dressing up for cinco de mayo, asking what is this holiday, why people may be uncomfortable seeing you
- Usually things go poorly with family members – talking about police brutality and race, and refused to see it
As one of the few queer people at work, most issues of transphobia and homophobia are directed towards me to call out & deal with
Times when i’m one of the few white people, don’t know how to address prejudiced language with black and brown people
So much of how we approach conversations influences how it will go – how do we want to be approached?
Why is it that i don’t say something? Don’t want to lose status
Asking questions
Times when white people try to bond with me saying something racist, “you know…”, something projected onto me – when someone saying something from a place of -isms (or internalized), i ask: what do you mean by that? Explain it to me?
As a white person, i minimize the pain of those moments on me, don’t stay there to not center myself – taking mask off and seeing what they see when they see me
Resensitizing myself to the things i have been taught to be desensitized to
I don’t want to be seen as lecturing
At least say, “i don’t see it that way”
If there’s a power dynamic and i don’t want to be in role of educator, can disengage
Talking with man who was saying hardcore conspiracy theories, felt unsafe and left
Malcolm X: there was a time when you didn’t know what you know today, so why are we so impatient with those who now don’t know
New to understanding the problem with “special needs” – these are basic rights
A campaign that talked about gay rights as “special rights”
How important it is to shape the narrative – ways legislation is coded
Appreciate culture jamming work
The conversations you get to have based on how issues are labeled
Even when we’re critiquing ideas, if we use the oppressive language, we are still reinforcing the oppressive logic
Processing with my students (learning healing) about recognizing language that is pity/helping, instead using language that is “with” based – a person “with” this experience. But then some individuals want the label of disability, not the with.
And then when someone without that experience is disproportionately bothered or fatigued by having to learn someone’s affirming/chosen terms.
Maybe it stems from those with privilege just not wanting to think/feel more deeply. Fragility response. Not used to the process of interrogating one’s self. Fear of rejection, shame. Some have had the experience of getting to make mistakes and slowly learn about racism. Some have had experiences of shame and exile.
What causes the resistance? How do we socialize children? The way we are listened to as children is the way we expect to be listened to in general.
Learning a new skill around listening. Around consent, permission. Recalling memory of adult asking 3 year old if they want to be picked up. Radical learning around kids having body autonomy. Speaking out loud the actions an adult is taking in relation to young people’s bodies and why the action is being taken. So different from my experiences as a child. Undoing adult supremacy.
Times when activists name police killing of Black person as lynching. I never thought of it that way, because have a specific image in my head. But this really grounds it as what it is in history. When a term becomes popularized. A new term opens up space for action and mobilization, can then contracts and become reductive. Ie. white fragility was naming phenomenon, then can become just a dismissive comment. CA penal code defines lynching as rioters pulling someone away from police detainment.
Book looking at the social momentum of the lynch mob. Removed from context and history.
Not wanting to use language that furthers mental health stigma/othering – I feel aligned with this and have received requests. Naming that I struggle with finding replacements for those terms (crazy, idiot, etc) and explaining to others, because it’s so normalized. We are so habituated to these shortcuts. Not wanting to pathologize people, but want to name toxic and pathological systems. I.e. language directed at Trump, who is kind of a mad king and a narcissist. Great pieces by feminists who are naming the homophobic and sexist language and imagery about Trump. Like calling him a “bitch” or a “gay man” doesn’t diminish him, it harms those communities.
Expressing nothing because you can’t express it the right way/wrong terms is also not helpful. Need to speak. From a journalistic perspective, need to cover it and use language that people understand.
As someone who has mental health issues, I use the term “crazy” even though it has been used against me. Struggle to take it out of my vocabulary.
There are lists online of less oppressive terms.
There are times when I feel hopeless about our world. We should be paying attention because this is what it means for the future, this is the pattern from the past. On the topic of language being used, when I was in school, I tried to name how Black students were taking breaks from the program and how they were not getting the support they needed. I was told I was angry. When I use language, I’m seeking shared understanding, but not end up in a hopeless place.
Recently, Trump mispronounced “orange” – impulse was to make fun of him. But that’s a sign of aphasia/dementia and should not be mocked. How do we mock him and what he’s saying, but not in an ableist way. But it’s a language he understands and it has an impact.
With George Bush, all of the rhetoric around freedom and violence. And they only understand “the language of violence.” Thatcher – “you can’t reason with them.”
When getting into conversations with people, not letting people name issues you bring up as “you thing” vs larger issue. Fear of getting pigeon-holed around political correctness.

Closing thoughts

Ways social justice language is getting co-opted. Mobilizing people’s deep concerns and commitments, but trying to cut through narrative frames. For people in radical spaces, how do we stay vigilant to ways language is being used that shuts down critical thought.
When to use oppressive terms bc you need to be able to have a conversation with someone, vs when we just need to learn to have these conversations with different language.
Being mindful of how I’m listening and initiated as I move into a position of more power at work.
Need to bring more unconditional love to these conversations
Thinking about love as an action. Thinking about group and self resilience.
When there are two different groups in conflict about how language should be used. Noticing what we default to, how that relates to how it’s presented.
Calling women “women” and not girls. I still have to think consciously about it. That’s absurd to me that it’s challenging.
Loved hearing about work situations. Takeaway is to continue to hone language with more humility. Reminder of humility in this work.
Bureau of Linguistical Reality – artists who convene new terms to name new realities related to climate change – neologisms on their website.